SAYING “NO”

(Note: I was supposedly supposed to post this yesterday. But did I? No. Sorry. Try to enjoy it today. ;0)

“No” gets said a lot. An awful lot. And many times it sneaks by, unrecognized by its recipient.

“No” comes in many forms. For instance: the generic, hard to misinterpret, but easy to ignore: NO. There is really no room to wiggle around the intention of this delivery. “I said NO.” An excellent study of this word was cast years ago by a New York Times Metropolitan Diary writer submitting a conversation overheard between a parent and a small child who was arguing to the death on aspirations being dashed by this particular “no.” “Which part of ‘NO’ do you not understand? “asked the frustrated parent. “The N or the O?” Priceless.

Of course we regularly manage to garble the impact of those two letters with many extra words, mostly indicating that we either don’t want to SAY the word “no” or more likely, live with the repercussions of some else’s HEARING the word “no.” To wit, some examples. Parental favorites: “Not right now” or “Let me think about it.” Kid favorites: “In a sec (this is used WAY more than I care in my house)” or “Why do I have to?” (with emphasis on the “why” or the “I,” depending on the situation). The socially proper: “That sounds a bit risky” or “I’ll have to check my calendar.” The corporate: “Our budgets can’t accommodate that” or “That is not in line with our current strategy.” The friendly: “Wouldn’t it be better…?” or “Do you really think we should?” And my personal favorites (possibly because they come out of MY mouth more often than they should), the volunteer no’s: “I’d love to help you out, but…” or “If you really can’t find anyone else.”

But can we just say NO? NO!! The word “yes” requires a much bigger breathe, before and during the word delivery. It also usually requires surrendering something: money, time, car keys, control. “Yes” is a big risk. A leap of faith. So you’d think saying “no” would be a walk in the park. Just get the word out there and life will be simpler.

Drug awareness campaigns incite kids to say “no”. Brother s and sisters manage to get it out all the time: “Can I borrow your….” “NO!” “Can I watch…” “NO!!” “Will help me…?” “NO!!!” Even when a parent is within earshot and siblings know they should be thinking “yes,” they deliver an emphatic “NO!”

Toddlers are our best role models of all. They don’t even waste time with “yes.” They don’t even think it. And they are so adamant about it, they are willing to throw their whole body language into their communication; to make sure you understand that the answer is NO! Even if the y MEAN yes, the answer is STILL “no!” Talk about being confident in a response.

But as savvy, life-experienced adults, choosing to flaunt our grasp of the English language by trying to politely, properly, positively communicate our true distaste for something, can we summon the courage to sum up our response in one tidy word? NO!